I think.. at the end of the day, what makes us human, is the ability to be thankful for what comes next. Whether it's being friends after heartbreak, simply finding someone new, or being able to say that you honestly don't care about them anymore. To be honest; after being numb for so long I've forgotten how I feel certain things.. about certain people. It's too much work to feel so much.

But, alas, we're human. So we get up, dust ourselves down, recompose ourselves, and don't go back to save time and space. even if we know there's still something there..

I'll find other things to care about. That's the thing about life isn't it? you grow up.. and you move on.

when we're little, we're told that you "grow up, get a job, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have kids" but it's not as simple as that. It's alot stranger, and difficult, and dramatic, and oh.. oh, so much better.

It's not that i'm overly upset or anything like that, i'm totally fine. I just got a weird sensation when I found out. In some way - it was like a relief. I don't have to try and impress anymore, because I don't have to try and win you over. You scare me so much sometimes. It's hard to believe that you feel the way you do when you seem like you've got it all together. You're too smart, and I don't like that you've realised how easy it is for you to manipulate everyone; the old you would've never dreamed to act the way you are atm. But i'll stick by you, and make sure you're okay, and that you don't lose yourself too much. Because that's what friends are for.

I'm in such a fragile state at the minute. I'm glad I know how to hide it. I act so happy around my friends, all I ever do is try to keep them happy. And that's comforting in a way, because it makes me feel like a good person.

I realised recently, that I like who I am. I used to do everything for myself, but nowadays it's all about my friends + family. <3 I don't even care what I look like anymore. I used to bee so vain. I rarely wear make-up anymore and when I do, it's simply for a bit more confidence. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, if you hate me, that's fine, chances are I don't like you much ither.

As I don't want to stop writing yet, and i'm in a very loving mood, i've decided to write a paragraph about each of my friends.. so here goes;

Lulu: You make me so happy, and I can't go more than 24 hours without speaking to you, you're the perfect bestfriend, and I couldn't ask for better. Staying at your house is hilarious, and you always know how to make me laugh. You give me the feeling, that we'll always be best friends, and out of everyone i've ever met, you're the one I know I won't ever lose.

Kelsey: you're pure evil, and i love it. but more to the point - i love you. you're simply what i go to school for. and i think you're great. :) you're funny, and strong, and happy, and lovable and you're such a good friend, i would've killed mrs finney by now if it wasn't for you
jojo: you're the best dance partner in the world. :D i love your sense of humour, and how much fun you are when we're out places that have loud music ;D when i think of you, i think of vodka. and when i need cheering up and a night out - you officially always have you be there :D

peter: you're such a drama queen :) lmao, you're hilarious. oh the saturday nights we've had together bahaaaa. you're my best guy friend, and it's awesomeeee. you drink too much. *shakes fist, but i still loves yaaaa. :)

aaron: you're more humourous than you could ever possibly imagine ;D but assides from that, you've helped me through a hell of alot and i have a hugeeee ammount of thankyous for that. Weekends wouldn't be the same without you. (:

alistairr: i think you're a pretty remarkable person. :) you're the person i'll turn to through absolutely anything - i like to think that that feeling is mutual :) you need to come down more often though :D thank you for well.. everything :L :D






xoxoxoxo