so what?

so yes, I have made a few choices that I am not pleased about. Hasn't everyone? That's what annoys me about people. Every one's telling everybody else how to live. It's like, I hate it when people cheat, but everyone does it.. It's not that I think that makes it okay. I just think every bodies a wanker. :L And then when you try and be the 'good guy' in situations like that, you still come out with people hating you than the person that was in the wrong in first place. So what's the point in doing the 'right thing' anymore. When nobody believes a word I say anyway.. which is fucking ridiculous. And yes, I act like things don't affect me, but the truth is I find it incredibly hard to cope when I think no-one likes me or people tell me I've changed' in a negative manner, sometimes they don't have to say it, you can tell by when someone who used to want you, doesn't. Because in my opinion when you like someone, there's always SOMETHING there unless that person has 'changed'. So yeah, I'm totally insecure but I guess that's part of life. If I wasn't so worried about what people think maybe I wouldn't tip toe around them so much. I know that the things I do don't always work out the best way, but I always make my decisions with the best intentions. I'm not a magician guys :L and I don't have a time a time travelling phone box :L I can only do what I think is best at the time, and unfortunately for me, and my friends, that doesn't always work out. And if I have changed, I didn't mean to. I suppose there's just been alot of shit going on the last year with my health and my family and stuff and maybe that's affected my personality. It must have. I used to like who I was and now I don't even want to think about the kind of person I am. For a while I wondered why I couldn't keep relationships and maybe it's because I destroy them. I self consciously set out to make that person's life a living hell. And it's sad because now that I've realised that and I'd actually be a reasonably okay girlfriend, nobody wants me. Even more so depressing since valentines day is now less than a month away and yet again I find myself with no one to spend the day with. Violent slasher movie & ice cream it is I suppose. What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry about some of the things I've done to upset or annoy people, and I really never mean to hurt anyone. I'm not a bitch, I'm just a bit of an airhead sometimes.